I wrote your eulogy today.

The shock of unexpected death.  The person I loved most in the entire world was no longer breathing, no longer available for “the best hug in the world”, no longer reachable to touch.  It was three or four days before I could let anyone near me.  Greif made my skin feel like shards of glass abrading my heart, hugs were so painful. I started the week, absolutely heartbroken and feeling very alone. 

My mom and my own sisters, my second set of parents,  siblings-in-law were not deterred and arrived, fantastic “imaginary internet friends” drove from across the city, across the country, from ANOTHER country, descended to shore me up.  People in my living community and our friends checked in.  I was not alone.

Then the messages from family, friends, online communities, people he’d worked with, people he played games online with, wonderful people he’d mentored, beautiful friends he’d advised -more people than I could have imagined have reached out to tell me that I’m not alone, that they carried some of the burden, that their hearts and tears combined with mine and were forming an ocean of salt water to buoy me up.  I am reminded over and over that I am absolutely NOT alone.

After lots of tearful and happy stories with my Christiansen family last night, I am reminded that David was a whole entire person before I met him.  He will be missed dynamically by his Mom and Dad, his 5 brothers and 2 sisters, In-law siblings and mother in law, his Grandmother, nieces and nephews, Aunts and Uncles, a myriad of cousins, friends, co-workers, clients, and most especially me.

David was a beautiful person, in the way that transcends the physical.  He really cared about others, and demonstrated it.  If you ever sincerely asked for his advice, he would either give you the most complete and thoughtful answer, or he’d tell you he needed to research and he’d return with more information than you had ever anticipated and answers to questions you didn’t know you had with multiple scenario solutions to those questions. He also gave the world’s best hug, you could feel the depth of his heart.

David’s brilliance and brilliant he was, shone through strategy.  He looked into situations, people, business and he could see how it SHOULD work – he saw people and saw them for who they COULD be, and would do what he could to get them there.

David grew up in a family of rich religious tradition, and it influenced him very much.  Though his beliefs differed, he would want you to be comforted through your own convictions.  He encouraged people to have differing viewpoints and to discover what it was that they believed.

If David could, he would want you to remember the influence he had on you, remember the things you learned with him and take that into the world and change it.  He would remind you that none of us can do this alone, that we need siblings, and parents, living communities, co-workers, intimates and yes, even imaginary internet friends.  He would say that he is not so far away – though intangible.  He would tell you that you are important.  He would tell you that you are not alone.

I love you, Bear.